403. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? A rare Chris and Jason meeting of the minds during the week thanks to a guest cancellation. Luckily we can blame Joe Biden's flight pattern. For this cancellation? Oh, really? Yeah, we did it, Joe. You kept a guest from coming on How Long Gone. Don't worry. We'll get them rescheduled. I thought Chapo worked for the White House. I don't know why they'd be meddling in those matters. But luckily for you, our dear listeners, them jeans and I are still here to discuss a myriad of important topics, Jason. I'm sure your list is just... stacked to the motherfucking brim. Oh, yeah. Hold on to your hats, guys. Like, a few episodes ago, I said, how do mail carriers' AirPods stay charged for a whole day? And a mail carrier sent me a DM and told me how they do it. You want to know? Stick around. That's called Cliffhanger. Okay, we're going to save that tidbit to the end, but I wanted to talk about cocaine, one of our favorite subjects on How Long Gone, because today... I was reading a post from my beloved New York Post, and it seems that The Economist has suggested that President Joe Biden legalize cocaine. I know that he said he was going to decriminalize cannabis convictions, right?

Does he not know that cannabis and cocaine are different? I mean, they're not trying to trick him, I don't think, but that's a cool idea. I wouldn't put it past The Economist, okay? Because he's so old. And the beauty of The Economist is, Jason, is that there's no bylines in The Economist. So it's all anon. Well, no, it's not anon. It's more like it's from the editors of, or let's say. There's not a single name. So it's pretty cool because you can say wild shit like legalized cocaine and no one person can have their life ruined. So I think it's kind of the best possible place for this suggestion to be made. Okay, so to put it into terms that I can understand, this is like when there's a recipe for like a sweet potato blue cheese hummus on Bon Appetit. And I'm like, who in the world is responsible for this nonsense? And then it'll say... BA staff. Exactly. You're like, oh, you slippery nipples. You know it was Molly Baz, but she was like, you know what? I can't take this one alone. I can't do this alone, guys. Come on. Help me out. Yes, it's a very similar. Molly Baz, she said, I can't be attached. I can't be pinned to this. She's the Ellen DeGeneres of the BA universe, right? Yeah, yeah. I haven't. That is a nice parallel you made. So I'm just saying that I think that this could. You know, I'm not predicting anything. Obviously, we've still got a couple of years to go, but I think this could be kind of a hot button issue as the election draws near is which candidate will legalize cocaine? You know, and I think that the thing that we're not thinking about here is that Republicans might use more cocaine than Democrats, if you really think about 1000 percent. I think so. Only because and especially in the higher earning brackets as well. All the kind of liberal cocaine users, you know, that's mattress on the floor of the kitchen Twitter. They're not really moving mountains. They're not really – they don't have a Jerry to Mander, if that makes sense, Chris. Wow, nice, nice. Yeah, it does. So does these – wait, I just wanted some clarity on this.

Or are they saying, in their opinion, we should legalize cocaine? They're saying legalize it, Joe. Oh, okay. So we got this far. We might as well just do coke, too. The headline is, Joe Biden is too timid. It's time to legalize cocaine. He doesn't have the cojones, frankly, to legalize one of the most powerful... narcotics uh ever of course they go of course they go into some long-winded bullshit about like the cost of prohibition outweighing the benefits etc but you it'd be cool if it was just like you know this is what we need because it would be cool like that that that instead that's that's the uh that's the poly shore sort of exactly they need to We should do this because it would be cool. The economist should take a more Pauly Shore approach. I think that is a great way. Yeah, some people say the Pauly Shore approach. I say we're distilling a point to be more succinct. This is the best part. It's under a section. It's called leaders, the section, and then the subheader is soften the blow. No pun intended. Oh, nice. These guys over the Economist are having a little too much damn fun. It's because the subscription is so expensive. They can just do whatever they want. It doesn't even matter. Okay, so it makes me wonder where do you think the Economist – is the Economist a pretty kind of like straight down the middle unbiased? opinion, politically speaking? Or do they lean in any other partisan direction? I would say it's a liberal. I don't read it. Where do you think they stand on when cocaine is cooked with Pyrex style cookery and turned into crack or a freebase style? Do you think they want that? level of cocaine to be legalized as well i think they i think they're probably going about it in a way where it's like costing x amount of lives and x you know what i mean like looking at all this bullshit that doesn't matter instead of like if we legalize cocaine would that be more fun for society you know what i mean like they're looking at all this stuff they're looking at you know they're probably like oh

It contributes to global warming. It contributes to carbon, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Instead of just being like, would our society, our polite society, be more fun and cool if cocaine was introduced as a legal thing to do instead of everybody having to hide it? Or even worse, giving more money to these cursed, you know, big drug companies and sorting Adderall. Yeah. You know, because that is what's happening. You said polite society. was a way to make rules and laws that apply to unpolite society only and not polite society? Is that sort of a utopian? That's kind of where I'm at. If cocaine was legalized, it would make polite society much more fun. I don't think anyone's going to argue with that, but the less polite society, unless they have fun filleting in Walmart parking lots, it might not be as much fun. People who aren't able to handle the powerful pull of the addiction of cocaine sure it's going to ruin their life sure sure sure sure and i think the economist seems like they're okay with that which i think is just that's insane balls that's a dumpster fire well i i let me say this though i think that if we look at this let's look at your beloved cannabis as a case study okay as it's become legalized and every store looks like an apple store and you've got bud tenders with fucking tweezers pulling out purple hairs. Do not come for Zaza RS. Zaza RS is on the fucking shopping block today. Hello, sharks. I'm asking for a 10% of Zaza RS. Shout out to Melody. Hope you get that Ghia seed investment. Yeah, if you don't get it from the sharks, come over to HowLongGone. We'll see what we can do. We got a little ad money kicking around. Thanks to Cash App. We got a little Ghia money in the kitty. Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying is that with the legalization of or decriminalization of marijuana, The price has gone up, so it prevents the absolute bottom feeders from being able to afford the absolute loudest runts available that would cause addiction. Cocaine is already quite expensive, so you're saying it's going to get even more expensive. Exactly. If you want that pure, pure, and you've got to pull over to the vape shop on Melrose to kind of pop in and get an eight ball for the weekend.

We're looking at double the price that you're paying on the street now. So it might keep out the customer you don't want. Let's put it that way. Newt Gingrich and his wife are the only ones. that are going to be able to afford this. And I think that if the Republicans can afford it, and it feels like something that the rich Republicans can afford and the poor ones can't, they might back this as well. Yeah, I guess in all forms of luxury that seems to be taking place, you know, you want to buy a Patek. We're paying over sticker, baby. Yeah, if you look at the price of your legal cocaine. You probably can't afford it, is sort of what you're saying. And speaking of cocaine, that's a nice segue. Speaking of cocaine, let's talk about cocaine again. Failing Silk Sonic, Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak, where they just basically took every 70s soul album and crammed them together and paid a lot of money for ripping them off. You might know them as Silk Sonic. They're your Tia's favorite band. Yeah, exactly. They've decided to not submit their album for Grammy Awards nominations. And the quote about it was, we truly put our all on this record, but Silk Sonic would like to gracefully, humbly, and most important, sexually... bow out of submitting our album this year they did not say sexually yes they did this is this is real and and i was talking to a friend of the show patrick sandberg and he said to sexually bow equals to take it up the ass yeah that's a very good point which i i would i would like to credit him with that because that is an astute point to make do you bow what do you think he means by that do you think he's kind of signaling to some of his uh scruffy matches or do you think he's merely He thinks that that drivel they made is like sexy music, so he wants to keep that kind of narrative going. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think in their mind, their PR team or their branding squad or whatever was like, okay, we have to do this announcement where you're not going to enter the Grammys, even though they're a surefire win because they are your auntie's favorite.

I like that music. It's nice. That's who they are. They're literally born, raised, and factory farmed to create Grammy Awards. But this might be the one thing that I've ever liked about Silk Sonic or Anderson .Paak is adding a little sexy, horny energy to an announcement like that, like a virtue signaling announcement. is usually sort of void of any horny energy, right? That's a good point. So, I mean, I'm trying to find a silver lining on this funky little cloud. I'm glad that you're moonwalking through this one, but I don't... But, I mean, did they specify why they're buying out? Is it the normal sort of like, we don't want to... No. We don't want to play in this game. They didn't specify at all. They didn't specify at all. They also won... They won four Grammy Awards for the single, Leave the Door Open. Maybe they're thinking, we've squeezed this lemon. Okay, so you hit big at the craps table, and why don't we pull out, cut our losses, go get a steak instead of losing it all. Go out on top. Maybe there's a big record they're up against. They're afraid to lose, and they don't want to be humbled like that. But, I mean, I just don't know what the point. Why would you announce that you're not going to allow your album to be nominated for an award if you don't have like an issue with you if you're not making some grand statement about the the awards themselves the the coolest way to do it is to just write them a letter privately and say you know we don't want to be nominated for an award thank you and then just that's it a silent uh removal of yourself but you know i guess it's is it better or worse to just say like nah we don't want to really like don't don't nominate us for a grammy we're not down versus being like And here are the 11 reasons why. And then thread emoji. And then it's like systematically for Obama. At least they're not doing that. That's true. So you're suggesting that the coolest way, which I agree, is to basically quiet quit. To quiet quit. To keep it between you and the 15 white men at the Grammy board. And I think that is probably, I do think that's better. But I think the reason they're announcing it, now that I'm thinking about it more critically, is because maybe they don't want Sonic Hive.

To be like, why the fuck isn't Silk Sonic nominated? You know, they want to keep their fans from, you know, ruining lives of the voting members. That could be, maybe they're looking out. They're looking out for the voting members have had a tough, you know, I don't know, decade. What is their hive called? Silkworms? Silkworms assemble. I'm sure it has a bad name. I mean, liking that is truly the bottom of the bottom. Like, that is the worst. That is like the most vanilla. music that sounds like it's ai generated that's ever existed i still don't understand the announcement but i'm glad that we kind of dug into it a little bit it's like if mark zuckerberg and mark ronson had a kid that they would produce that album god bless them i guess they got a shitload of press i mean maybe that was the point it's got us hunkies talking about them i mentioned something to you the other day that we failed to discuss with Orville. Yeah, go back and listen to our episode with Orville Pack. I was just texting him or DMing with him earlier this morning. He was asking me if I ate meat. He, for some reason, thought that I was vegetarian, and he saw me posting meat on stories, and he was... Oh, wait a minute. I was in a Barry's Boot Camp class. Okay. And... A man entered the class. Man, we got to get you out of Atlanta, bro. I know. Dude, I'm dying. The Bears boot camp down at the mall cannot be your only source of content mana. No, but this is pretty good because he had one of your little chef's cups on the treadmill. Okay, so he had an FX is the bear style deli cup. Yes. He's got a four. Was it a tall boy? He had a short boy, and I believe. that he had had a powder mixed into the water, so it was like a pre-workout in a deli cup with a lid on it. Lid on the deli. Okay, so then he is a pussy. I don't expect, I mean, I do expect that kind of behavior out of Barry's, I guess. Was the deli owner attractive?

No, because he's a chef. I mean, clearly he looked like a... Come on, bro. Have you seen Bourdain when he was 19? Yummy, yummy. Yeah, I've seen Bourdain when he was 19. This guy was probably about 45, 50. He probably had a Maserati out front, but he didn't look like he was doing numbers. But I'm just saying... He's built like Jon Favreau. No, he wasn't Favreau. He wasn't that big. But I'm saying to you, this guy, he had to be a working chef to do this. Or do we think that this... diabolically lame trend has trickled all the way down to a 50 year old man in atlanta well i don't think that it's really a trend i think because you this is the first example of a civilian displaying this we well we don't know if he's we don't know if he's a civilian to be fair well i'm sorry i shouldn't say this is the first time a civilian is this is the first time somebody is you've seen somebody using this in public, not back of house, not in any type of culinary environment. Well, I've seen you do it at the DJ booth. Well, I mean, my house is considered a culinary environment, so it's a little different. You're not going to see me with a fucking open deli walking around the Americana. That's psycho behavior, unless... I'm, like, super thirsty. Unless it's some dumpling broth from Din Tai Fung. Do you think it's possible, though, that this is a sign that this is kind of an incoming thing we're going to have to deal with? Or do you think this is an isolated incident? No, I think it's only going to get worse. And it definitely is bad for the environment. That's the only thing that we have going for it, that it won't really reach a boiling point, to use a kitchen pun. Yeah, I mean, it really is just like if you want that, you have to go to like a restaurant supply store and buy $50 worth of super unrecyclable plastic. And that's going to weed out a lot of scrubs, you know? Yeah, that's true. I also saw, and this might even be more twisted, Jason, to be honest with you. I saw in a hot yoga class a woman entered with a kind of classic ceramic coffee mug.

with water in it and then left the class multiple times to refill this tiny coffee mug instead of just having a water bottle like a normal person okay this is sick okay so this is so the mug is sort of like a you know a secretary's i hate monday style classic eight ounce ceramic exactly exactly i love this okay was this person hot This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts.

Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

No, definitely not. Not hot enough and also didn't look like a ceramicist. So it wasn't like she made the cup herself, which was the only way I was going to kind of let her out of this. Now I'm confused. I almost fell out of my tree pose when I saw her leave the class because I was like, you brought almost the smallest vessel you could possibly find. And yes, it's sustainable, obviously. But at what cost? Yeah, we're not going to draw the line. I still think practicality has to rule. I can't do things strictly because they make me look crunchy and I care when it causes me. I don't know where the line is with something like that. Okay. Here's a hypothesis. Okay. Crunchy yoga, F-O-L-X, are often known to be flatulent in nature, right? I didn't know that. Depending on their lentil intake, yeah, you know, like vegetarian, vegan, crunchy people. I mean, I think everyone's been in a yoga class where somebody passes a little gas. I think that's a pretty commonplace thing. What I'm wondering is, is this her get out of jail free card? She brings the smallest cup possible because she has a reason to excuse herself into the hallway. You know, make waste. So you're saying that the kale chips are negatively affecting her yoga practice and therefore it's kind of trickling. Yes. I mean, anything is possible. The kale chips, the beef liver jerky. I didn't check. Run through her like the all new. General Motors, electric Hummer. Take a second look at the Hummer, guys. I was going to check outside to see which Subaru she had. Bro, well, I mean, to my point, you know the inside of that Subaru would be smelling crazy. I mean, I'm sure, and that's why she still has it. And it's not smelling like the black ice fresheners either. Okay. Brown ice. I just... Hit a patch of brown ice. I just couldn't... Over there on Peach Street. I couldn't believe that I saw these two things.

seemingly back to back you know like this is something this this happened a few days apart And I'm starting to think that this is like we're crumbling as a society. I don't even care. I don't even care. The MIA thinks vaccines give you problems like that's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about people choosing the wrong delivery vessel for their beverages while exercising. This is a real this is a real problem. OK, so we've gone from crunchy to crumbly. And Chris says, no, this is this is one of the sign of the apocalypse. OK, I've got a question for you. Pray tell you got you got you got a gun to your head. You have the tech. Somebody corrected and sent me a message about bringing the walk to Poland that the Caltech had nothing to do with Kenan and Cal or Caltech College or high-tech lean. It was a brand of gun or a type of gun. Well, that's not surprising. You've got the Caltech to your head. Somebody says, do you want to drink this water? I mean, you are thirsty as a motherfucker. You're sweating like a whore in church. You're dying. You would do anything to sip a water. They hand you the deli cup or the liquid death can. What's it going to be, brother? I'm going LD all day. No problem. I'm going LD. They didn't get to you, too, did they, Chris? No, they didn't. I would never purchase it, but I'm not going to. Are you bros with the art director or some shit? Fuck you. And I'm not going to. The worst thing we can do is. I'm not going to steal valor from a chef. I don't cook, I don't own a knife, I don't own an apron, and I definitely don't drink out of a deli cup. Well, I think it's a little bit of an evolution or a devolution of sort of the Carhartt pants guy, stolen valor. And he's sort of looking or he or she or they are looking at the Nalgene bottle previously known as, you know, the crunchy motherfuckers drinking vessels. What we all do. We all have Nalgene. They're great. I don't have an I don't have a Nalgene. I don't use Nalgene. I use plastic bottles. OK, like a man. I sell Nalgene. I sell Nalgene. I'm happy to do that.

And thank you to everyone who bought one. But I don't use a analogy. I drink a gallon of water out of my milk jug every day, and that's it. That's all I do. I don't bring water into the gym. When's the last time you refilled something? I can't think of a time, Jason. Are you saying like a hot summer's day? Chubby Chris is out skateboarding and can't land anything. Yeah, who was in office? Who was in office the last time you refilled? Oh, Bush Senior. Bush Senior. Liquid inside of a cup that has liquid. Bush Senior, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No question. Not going to do it. Not going to refill it. No, I'm not even opposed to it. I just don't. Like, I think that your stance on water, I think we're actually closer on the issue than you think. Because I like to get all of my drinking done in one sitting. Like an alcoholic at a local bar. And I don't want to kind of have to have a water bottle on me all day long. I just don't like that. I don't want to have to refill it. Yeah, I'm with you. People are out here. Rich people. Rich, rich people are out here at LAX standing next to the bathroom waiting in line for 25 minutes to fill up. their their water bottle before they get on a plane don't you have an amex platinum card this you can just drink as much water in a glass like an adult as you'd like and then you get on the plane i just don't understand where we draw the line you're not ben gibber doing a hundred miler where you got you need your little baba sucks pull off your baba or else you die you're gonna you're gonna sit in a chair and watch sex in the city part do abu dhabi that's about it we're not really gonna break a big old sweat no that's just if you were like hung over and you need the fluids Get an electrolyte like a real man, you fucking pussy. It's just unbelievable what this society has come to. And I do want to talk about MIA because I know you're kind of a big fan. M-R-A. She kind of got the tails wagon last night. Yeah, she's getting dragged by Kelsey right now, big time. Yeah, all the white... She's getting dragged by, I just think it's funny Twitter right now, B. All the white people who really pushed themselves to like her even though she was Muslim.

are now kind of walking that back. They're like, you know what? I knew I shouldn't have liked this bitch. She is anti-vax. Because the thing is, is that what she's doing and comparing, obviously it's insane. So what is the tweet exactly? She said, if Alex Jones has to pay a billion dollars for spreading lies, then why don't celebrities have to pay up for spreading lies about the vaccine? Yes, which is obviously funny. It's a funny, crazy way to wake up, type that sentence out, and drastically change the course of your entire career until the day that you die. Which I think that the only cool part about it is I get the vibe that MIA is absolutely okay with that because she... She doesn't care. But people are like, I'm like... People are very upset, and it's like I was reading some comments, my favorite thing to do, but there was a handful. This was incredible. There was a handful of people that were writing like full-on essays about how because she had dealt with, because she'd come from like a war-torn country that had been like, that the vaccines had been used in the wrong way or whatever, that maybe she gets to say this. She didn't like the way that the Tommel Tigers handled the Pfizer rollout for Q4. Basically, and this is probably true to an extent, she had been part of something so insane that we can't, you know, some mom in Brooklyn on Pitchfork can't really understand, like, what she's gone through, and therefore maybe we should give her some grace with these comments, but don't worry. There was 100 people ready to destroy her and not let that kind of thinking slide. But I don't know if she's of right mind. I mean, she hasn't been, and that's been one of my favorite parts about her is she's just like, fuck all y'all. I don't need anything. I'm just doing whatever the fuck I want. That part is pretty cool about her.

you know i've listened to her music for a long time not not as much anymore now that i'm a full grown person who doesn't uh you know wear american apparel clothes and stuff but i don't so well she apparently the other thing the other narrative i'm seeing is that she has an album coming out tomorrow and this is like a tactic to sell the album and i'm like you must not have been following in the last couple years because she's been she's been saying the same shit with no new music so so she's going to be like who else was speaking out about like I know because of Trump, Kodak Black kind of had a little Republican bump and Kanye is on Tucker and all this stuff. So maybe MIA is like, well, my shit ain't selling. Maybe I got to go this route. I got to go the Fox News route or something. I got to go Newsmax. I'm seeing that she's also a born-again Christian. So there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on with everybody. Candace Owens got to fucking Paper Planes 2. And I want to just say, Paper Planes, I can't, you know, you guys keep listening to Michael Jackson, I'm going to keep listening to Paper Planes. That's a fucking classic. Okay, here's the scenario that I would love for, to be, this is my dream scenario for the situation. This could mean MIA and Diplo back together. If she's tweeting this kind of stuff, maybe Wes has gotten into her head. What do you think? Okay, I mean, look, anything's possible. But I mean, I think people just don't care anymore. I think she hasn't cared for a long time and she finally said something that was hot button enough for people to actually pay attention in a big way. This is news today. I think she's been saying some definitely borderline wild boy shit for years and years. The Alex Jones stuff is so despicable that she just picked the wrong one. She's going to pay for it. Album in stores tomorrow. I'll be giving it a listen. I don't know about you, Jason. I think this PR style is definitely something we might see. This might be a new style that we see. Yeah, I mean, appealing to the conspiracy theorist market or demographic.

I'm into it. I've always got a soft spot for Maya. I wonder, though, if other, what I'm saying is I wonder if other artists following Kanye's lead are going to kind of go with this new strategy of, like, I don't give a fuck. I just want to be in the news every single day. Okay. I don't care if it's bad. I don't care if it's good. I don't care if it causes problems for my wife, children, loved ones. I don't give a fuck. I just need to be in the news every single day because that's going to keep me relevant, and that's all we're desperate for. And it has – so then to do that, it sort of has to be a real curveball in order to make a splash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicki Minaj is going to be like abortion is trash, bro. Yeah. What's a – like 21 Pilots is going to come out. They're proud – like 21 Pilots are Proud Boys or something like that. To make waves. 21 Pilots is Proud Boys after they've gotten the gay community on their side by the singer having abs and that picture going viral would be a crazy twist. But I just think celebrities, I think that it's so competitive and noisy right now. It's a free-for-all. It's like, bro, it's like, how am I going to outdo the next guy? I mean, Stephen Colbert is hosting a pickleball tournament. That's how bad. That's how serious it's gotten for the competition. Okay, so Sky Ferrer is going to have to go blackface or something to move some units on her next album. I don't know where we go from here. Because music isn't good anymore. The music isn't good enough. You said Steve Colbert is hosting a pickleball tournament? That's right. Stephen Colbert is hosting a pickleball tournament. It's called Pickled. This is like... Hella celebrities, bro. Hella celebrities. This is like if The Onion was AI generated. They would just make that headline. And it's also... Don't worry. It's... It's being produced by Jimmy Fallon's Electric Hot Dog production company. And Clawson Pickles, which is owned by Kraft, is backing a mid-game recap segment called the Clawson Crunch Time Halftime Show. Okay, this is major. I take it back. This is real. What is this? Is this like a pay-per-view event or something? No, I think it's just a classic sponsored event on TV. I mean, look, we've got Dierks Bentley.

Will Ferrell, Max Greenfield, Luis Guzman. Look, it's not. Look, Sugar Ray Leonard. Look, it's not necessarily A-list. Kelly Rowland. Luis Guzman. Come on, bro. You can't be playing pickleball, Guzman. Grown-ass man playing pickleball. This feels a little bit like. I expected from Will Ferrell, but come on. No, this feels a little bit like a new version of Dancing with the Stars is what it's feeling like to me. A little bit like this is what we're going to do now. We're going to get these kind of like. B and C list celebrities. No shot at Luis, of course. Great character actor from our youth. But we're going to get these character actors. We're going to pay them a lot because, like, Kraft is paying the bills here. And we're going to send these guys down to the pickleball court, and hopefully nobody rolls an ankle. Luis Gmail ain't really buzzing in the last few years. He could use a buck, right? Because there's also that, I mean, this is a 100% correct prediction, Chris, I think. I always see when I'm driving around fucking Universal or Burbank or whatever, there's these billboards for the show. That's a miniature golf show. And then there's also a show called Wipeout starring John Cena. Yes. And it's just like this is a show where people like eat shit like near some water. You know, that makes more money than, you know, the Catholic Church every every four months. Here's the guy from that one movie that you don't know his name, but he's kind of funny. He hosts a show about miniature golf, and then people, you know, Ray J is playing miniature golf, you know, and it fucking crushes, it gets more viewers than fucking Game of Thrones. It's the perfect crime, because this is my whole thing. Everybody thinks that, like... streaming streaming oh man it's crazy these shows this motherfucking pickleball tournament this shit ain't streaming baby this is on this is on network television i guarantee you it's on fucking cbs because that's where real americans watch television that's where real people watch tv that's why they're watching mini golf that's why they're watching dance with the stars that's why they're watching american idol that's the real shit that makes money this little dommer shit you guys are jerking off to like freaks we're gonna forget about this yeah fuck dommer i want to see

If Malcolm in the middle is pretty good at pickleball. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Remember that child actor? I want to see how he is with his kind of... I've been wondering what Noah Cyrus' handicap is out there on the links. I think she's a dink queen on the p-ball court. There's somebody in Appalachia adjusting the rabbit ears on their set. so they can watch Noah Cyrus play miniature golf. Babe, babe, babe, come in here. Come in here. Now quit fussing with it. But I think this is it. This is really what entertainment is. I don't know how we get out of this because you're right, Jason. This is going to be bigger than anything that anybody we know watches. This is a battle that can only be won with the pen is stronger than the sword, Chris. Check out some books. Just start reading. Do you think it's possible that as a society, we go so far with streaming, it gets so bad, that it actually gets people to read books again? Do you think we could get there? No. Well, I think what's going to happen is there's media, culture, content, brands. That's the only thing that really occupy our lives in the very near future. And instead of having a civil war based on your politics or whatever, it's going to be a civil war based on what type of content. And it's going to be readers versus watchers in some type of war in the streets. The readers will be known as the pussies, but they're smarter. And then the watchers, they're a little more crazy, but they don't have all the smarts on account of the book learning didn't do it. So it really is a good... you know, brains versus bronze battle, a tale as old as time. I mean, this sounds just like another great reality show to me. Read yourself out of this one, pussy. I can't wait. I mean, this is just honestly, this thing really threw me for a loop because all these athletes are buying, you know, pickleball teams because there's a lot of money. I think there's money in pickleball. There is money in pickleball, but we still have to hold strong.

And resist modernity. And I like making fun of it, but I also don't care. I think it's really interesting that it's, like, divided, like, upper-middle-class America. Like, this is so annoying. These nerds are on my tennis court now, you know? But it also, like, skateboarders are being infringed upon, which that I will not stand for. I built these ramps with my own hands. If you move them to dink, we're going to have a problem. Okay, that's where your buck stops. I saw an article that made me think of you mainly because you posted it, but the Daily Mail posting the story about passive aggressive emoji use. Yeah. And how that can be considered an attack by sending somebody a thumbs up emoji. It's a microaggression, Jason. And as the kind of HR department of how long gone LLC, I'm going to have to actually, you know, for you, just kind of for the safety of the whole team. I think it's better if you just don't use emojis at all because you get kind of loose with it. I do get loose with it. I'm an artist with a brush, and that is my preferred medium. And reading this article, I didn't read the article, but skimming through it, all it did is make me want to send more young people thumbs-up emojis because you really can't. If you're letting an emoji affect you enough to write think pieces about it, I mean, wait until you find out about the rest of the world. I'm waiting for the half-face salute emoji to become considered like right-wing propaganda. Because I think that could happen because that emoji blew up. Like that thing hit the keypad and people were using it. I get it every day. Oh, yeah. All my paypigs have been flooding my Cash App comments with that one. I haven't used it. I haven't used it, I'm proud to say. Yeah, it came and went pretty quick for me, but it was fun while it lasted. I recall actually when I was DJing last week and some, you know, Gen Z looking people walked past me, maybe like smiled or waved or said hi or something like that. Like I was DJing and they just sort of like recognized my presence. Just like, Hey man, thanks for DJing this grime song or whatever. And I gave them a thumbs up. Oh no, real life. The IRL thumbs up was received.

With a smile, but it could have been the way you smile at Meemaw or Papa when they say something. Okay, kind of like a pat on the back. Yeah, a little pat on the back, a little patronizing. Just like, yeah, yeah, that's a hand signal that you could do too, Grandpa Jeans. I don't know if it was that or if they're like, oh. Grandpa Jeans, your thumb still works. You just gave me a thumbs up. That's so like. vintage, aesthetic, like, random... I was hoping you were going to say you gave them a thumbs up and they kind of recoiled like you were pulling a gun. And they were so disgusted by it, they, like, ducked under a table as to not... I was tased in the neck after that macro-aggression, but I do live to fight another day. We need to talk about another celebrity podcast kind of hitting the airwaves. And a quick shout-out to Alex Cooper, fan of the pod. Send me a DM whenever you're ready to come on the show. And then that also goes out to our other friend of the show, Emily Ratajkowski, fellow podcaster. Welcome to the ring, bitch. I will destroy you. No, just kidding. Please come on the show, and we would love to signal boost. a bitch-era Queen's new podcast. If you want to have us on your podcast, I'm assuming the answer is no. I think Emily needs us more than we need her right now. Like right this second. I think it's actually a rare... We have a rare window of like 36 to 48 hours. Maybe 72 if we're really pushing. where Emily needs – I need her ab routine, and she needs our podcast clout. And I think that this is a rare – the tables have turned. For once, the podcasters have the power over the celebrity podcaster. And it's going to happen quick. It's going to reverse very quick, Jason. It's like a – It's like we're on a treadmill, you know, and we're going to fall off. Yeah, right now there's a glitch in the matrix. The system is down. The mobs are asleep. There's a small win. This is very Ocean's 13, Chris. I'm pretty sure Emrata listens to this. So, you know, we are sending out the bat signal. Have your people talk to our people. And like I said before, that same goes to Cooper over at Call Her Daddy. I don't know if we're ready for Cooper. Why?

I mean, I haven't listened in a while. I used to listen when, when the podcast first came out and it was just like, here, here's how to fuck football players. And I was like, this podcast is fucking sick. So what's up? How are you? Yeah. Um, Jason is trying to fuck a football player. Do you have any advice? No, I, I, I think that, I think that, um, I think that, I don't know, man, I think she might be, she could be the most, if she were to join us, she could be the most professional podcast we've ever had. Behind Rogan, she's like number two, number three, right? By the way, did you see that Rick Rubin is on Rogan? Rick Rubin did Rogan. Right after, apparently, according to him, The Strokes just recorded an album in Costa Rica somewhere. Yeah, they're probably into surfing now because they're old. I think friend of the show Steve Hyden was mentioning he judges. strokes albums based on how cocaine-y they are and he will say going to costa rica to record on the beach is 10 out of 10 level of cocaine so we can this is gonna be a we can expect a great strokes record that's that's actually good yeah but i saw that i saw that i mean i'm not gonna listen to it obviously but i did see that which i think is an interesting sure i wonder if joe i i don't listen to it enough to understand if he'll like go to someone like that kind of with his hat in his hand like respect vibe Or if he goes in blazing full Joe on everyone, no matter what? It'll be both. I think it'll be both. I think it'll, I don't know, like whenever things like that happen or it's just like, we got a crazy guest, you know? Yeah, yeah. It almost never goes well. For whatever reason, like the host gets too excited or it's like oil and water. And I think there'll be kind of oil and watery where Joe's going to say some shit. He's going to be more reserved and more like cool and calm. but he's just going to say a bunch of shit, and Rick Rubin, he's just so zenned out in Malibu, he's going to be like, I don't know how to answer that question. Yeah, sure, I guess. I love the idea of being a guest on a podcast and saying, I don't know how to answer that question. That's really funny. That's truly the only point of what we're doing here. You kind of have to come up with something, whether you feel that compelled or not. That's really not my problem. Yeah, usually on a podcast, if somebody ever says something like that,

then the podcast will end, not by the host being like, all right, Paul McCartney is awesome talking to you. It doesn't end that way. It ends this way. So are we kind of done here? It ends with a pathetic putter like that. No, it does. It peters out. Jason, I'm fucking desperate to get out of here. And I'm just, I'm feeling... For the first time in my life, very under-socialized. Like a child who needs special attention. Okay. Bean needs to go to the dog park and go sniff some tails is what you're saying. You need to go get a San Vicente bungalow. Oh, my God. Sal, you need to go get a bungalow Caesar. Let's do some shrimp on top. You know, I just saw on Kieran and Shipka's Instagram they're going to have a Halloween bath on the 28th. Chris, you're going to cruise by. Let's make sure that we're not the same costume or something like that before. No, no, no. I'll be already gone by then, but I have – I am – I mean, I'm worried, though, that if I go back to SVB, I mean, they're pros over there, but what if they don't remember me? What if they're like, hey, sorry, mister – that's going to be a pretty big blow. uh to kind of my whole swag yeah we've been talking about the aster a little a little too much we could be in trouble your uh membership's kind of coming up at the end of the month we kind of what do you think you're up for review you're up for review mr what is it again yes yeah yes mr black a lot of our a lot of our clientele are friends with uh john mayor he does not have the power to sort of veto those decisions no but i'm ready i'm ready to drive a luxury car again this camry ain't cutting it If only you had a Nissan out there. Speaking of Camrys, I watched the Hasan Minhaj special on Netflix. I caught a little. I was like really, really high foam rolling while my chick was watching that. So I picked up little bits and pieces.

I'm very curious to see what you thought about this new version of stand-up comedy. I mean, the production level and the way it's all done with the screens is really smart and kind of really keeps you engaged. Because basically, he brings something up and then there's a visual, but there's not always a visual, which I think is nice. I agree. And he'll do some voice manipulation and make his voice kind of ominous and reverbed when he's saying something. dark and mysterious i thought it was he gets a little too emotional in parts of it but overall it's pretty fucking good it's very much like a more digestible like tv ready three mics kind of vibe so three mics crawled so hassan could walk yeah it's not that high it's not that sort of like high concept but it's like the story and like the through line is is good and interesting and like he's he's pretty funny but he gets into these it gets a little emotional it feels i don't know it's necessary i think for it to work but it doesn't i don't like it because i'm a dick you know what i mean like i think it's like the right thing you don't come to stand up for that type of emotion perhaps no but i was i was pretty impressed by i feel like it's probably going to be like a big deal for him i think so too you know i think it's like he it's big and it's on netflix and i think everybody's kind of saying it's good and it's it's like pretty long too it's like an hour and 20 minutes i think honestly i'm actually surprised i haven't really heard much more about it i it kind of came and went for me even though i remember you know being pretty impressed and having those same thoughts of like oh this is like this is kind of a big deal whether you like it or not or whether you think he's funny or not like this is yeah it's moving the chains um i think it's kind of like if if podcasting existed for a long time And then it sort of had to devolve into YouTube show in your buddy's garage kind of thing by adding the visual element to it where, like, now suddenly we have all agreed that listening to a podcast is not enough. I also have to see these neckbeards, you know, vaping or whatever. Like, there's a little bit of that that I'm worried about, like the traditional pure version of stand-up comedy where, like, if just me in a microphone telling these stories is not...

good enough for you, then maybe I should just be better at my job versus like, oh, what if I have video and funny thingies and whatever. I don't like the fact that it has to sort of be dumbed down and a good book doesn't need photos despite. my inability to read so well no i mean i i kind of i see your point i mean i think it's like but he but he used it in a way he used it in a way that was you know the same way that charlie xcx uses autotune versus somebody who can't sing you know there's a way to use it creatively that was the part that i was most impressed about is that like the way it all worked together and also just like the way he i mean I don't know how this stuff works, but it seems like he just did this shit. Like, he'd fully memorized it. It was extremely, like, lines. You know what I mean? He wasn't riffing. There was no, like, vibe. It was like a man spitting a monologue, but it had to trigger all the visuals, you know? So it's, like, very, it's, like, very, I don't know. I was impressed by the whole thing. Well, you can tell if you watch it with a close eye and you're sort of familiar with how comedians do this type of stuff. Like, that's the other good part. I guess that we learned during COVID and like late night performances when every band would just be like, all right, you guys are going to give us 10 grand and we're just going to give you a video. And, you know, you can sort of like, well, like you have to do it within the constraints of tradition with a late night performance. And everyone was like, why? I don't care. So like, he's sort of taking these rules of like, you start the show and ladies and gentlemen, blah, blah, blah in the crowd. And like, what's up Nashville? You know, like. he's just sort of saying like maybe i'll just do it live maybe i'll record some stuff separately and cut it in so it looks like it's live yeah if if i deliver a joke and i forget the line or i stumble over it i'll just do it again and you know there's no there's no real rules and the final product is the only thing that matters and the only thing that people remember at the end of the day do you think these guys like do you think it's possible that he does uh

version that's fully like a full dress rehearsal run through that they tape and they have that and then he does the one with the crowd and they cut between them oh i think that he did that multiple times and he probably did this show workshop at friends and family you know in front of audiences for for a year usually people will rehearse their hour for a year his involved more work for sure yeah that's what i was thinking i was trying to under i was trying to think about that because i think sometimes you like I've seen stuff where you can tell there's no crowd, and I'm like, did you do that on purpose? Or did you fuck? You know what I mean? What's the vibe here? Whereas this, it was pretty seamless, even though there's tight shots and weird 360 Steadicam kind of vibe. Yeah, it was very seamless and very well done. They put the thought into it, and they had a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C. The backup had a backup. It's just like they weren't lazy. They were like, let's just work really hard. Like you said, whether we like it or not or whether we are fans of Hasan Minhaj, just as a fan of production value, hard work and all that shit, it's a pleasure to watch something even if you don't agree with it. I think you're right. I personally don't care if it's a guy with a stool and a bottle of water and a microphone. I don't need that. like that doesn't you know what i mean it's like i i don't need i'm not bob dylan getting mad that bob dylan plugged a guitar in type vibe like it's like this is the world we live in and and netflix is giving there's there's 10 of these a week so what are you going to do also when you're him i mean you're famous like you were You were on TV every night for five years. You kind of have to bring it like this, or people might be disappointed. The expectation's higher, is what I'm saying. That's true, and especially now that the future of late night is sort of up in the air, this could be something that replaces late night. This is basically just like taking Bill Maher and just throwing gasoline on that whole format. And just having it be airtight. I like that format. Like, I like a panel format. I liked it when Chelsea Lately did it. I like that. I think it's fun. And I think it brings, like, multiple voices in. So it keeps it... You love Andy Cohen? I do love Andy Cohen. But I think those shows are... I mean, I don't think those will go away by any means. But I think there'll be less of them, for sure. Because it's like... Also, I mean, I prefer that to fucking...

stephen colbert or these bozos like crying about politics and like having movie stars on where they know every answer to the question you know three days before it's like not you know what i mean it's like that's not funny that's just like not funny but again that's on that that's on real tv that's like what actually you know that's on fucking cbs or nbc or whatever so it matters but like i don't know if those i don't know if those will ever go away but i think there's going to be less room i mean trevor noah walking away is partly because, well, I mean, he sucks. First of all, he's never been funny a day in his life. But also, he can probably go, bro, the amount of money that guy can make doing stand-up and shit, like, why would you, you did this, you're, so famous now you're fucking Dua Lipa go on tour Comedy Central don't pay shit we already we all know that yeah like you were probably making more than anyone else at Comedy Central and that still pales in comparison to what you can make doing MSG for three nights or whatever wait till he sees how much South Park's making but once he but you couldn't do that if you didn't do the TV show yeah like you need to do the TV show for amount of time to raise your profile to go do the bigger shows And then, I don't know. What do you do after that? Prove to the world that you do have the sauce. Well, here's an idea that I'd like to float by you. So a lot of people are contemplating the reason why late-night TV is failing. We've heard all the reasons before, streaming, blah, blah, blah, appointment television, the death of that, et cetera, et cetera. But I think... I'm going to combine the stories and the think pieces of we're all going to dinner at 6 p.m. and, like, the early blah, blah, blah is the real, you know. Oh, okay, okay. So will late-night television be replaced by morning? television again will there be a resurgence of morning you know cool morning shows because everybody is waking up at 5 30 this is because they have a grusselers grind set this is an interesting so you should you think we should be kind of on our regis philbin type beat we should be going for a regis and kelly

Regis and Kathy Lee versus a Letterman, because that's where we're headed. I mean, a little bit of that, but also a little, you know, big boy in the morning, a little Kevin and Dean, a little, you know, because like Stern used to be like, oh, you listen to Stern on your way to the work, you know, on the way to the job site, whatever it is. And now because of Sirius and YouTube clips and all this stuff, it's just sort of turned into, you know, it's a monopoly or it's a monolith. It's not anything. And now is there going to be the rise of just like how long gone every morning, Monday through Friday on Spotify or something like that? Yeah, unfortunately that already exists. It makes people want to kill themselves. It's called The Daily from The New York Times. And you can kind of listen to it every day. I know. I guess to distill this whole idea down, what if – the daily was good or what if the daily was fun to listen to yeah no i think that could exist i think the problem well not the problem but i think that the hurdle what if the daily had a cowbell every time you said the word of the day you know something like that what what if what if the daily had like porn stars on you kind of ask them questions um no but it's i think it's more that making something every day is just hard And that's what keeps people from doing it. I think that because it requires like the amount of people it takes to make the daily is like a full staff of hundreds of thousands of dollars in salaries and benefits. I just think that even if people wanted to do that, most people can't. And that's why we'll continue to get kind of these like news or even news magazine kind of daily like we're giving you information that will make you. seem and feel smarter as you go through your day is a nicer value proposition than like why don't you laugh at Jason and Chris talking about pickleball on your way to the office all that is true and it's just sort of changed because before you would listen to these NPR shows in order to you know in so many words quote unquote win your dinner party you know when you go to your your friend you know when you go to Ryan O'Connell's house for yeah are you gonna have the most interesting

things to talk about and it used to be will i sound the the smartest and people are prioritizing will i be the funniest or will i say the most interesting thought or the most you know just will i be more entertaining yeah people are prioritized being entertaining over being you know sounding the smart well i think that is yeah i think i think you're right i think it's like it's like because everyone at the party will know about try guys Whereas that used to not be the case. Like, you know what I mean? Like, because of the Internet, we all know about the same shit. Everyone has an opinion on the Try Guys or everyone is looking for an opinion on the Try Guys. Whereas if somebody is like, so what are we going to do about Israel? They're going to be like, ooh, not super. Not tonight. Not tonight. You know, I'm with my family. Not tonight. Please, not tonight. You know, I'm just trying to have a good time. No, but I mean, I think you could. I think you could be honest. I mean, the thought of I mean, I think I've been told I mean, people have told me they listen to this podcast in the morning specifically. you know, on the way, like doing what they're doing because it comes out, you know, late at night. So it's there when they wake up. Best part of waking up. I have a lot of great memories. TJ in your cup. Skeet, skeet. That's terrible. I do like having, I do, I have a lot of great memories of listening to stuff in the morning in the car and stuff, but I just don't, I think we're too far gone, bro. I think that, you know, especially now that everybody wants to work from home, there's no commute. You commute down in your fucking flip flops and your PJ pants you got from target. to the espresso machine, get the kids out the door. If my sex robot has to charge and I have to go walk mochi by myself, I'm absolutely pulling up a pod and hanging out with my BFF. You're going to play that on your Google Home pod as you do the dishes. Damn, that's funny. That's something to think about. It really is something to think about. As we hurdle towards a worse future, how can we make it better with... drive drive time style morning radio sound off on the comments let us know what you think in the discord um i i also uh we should talk about the shows because they're coming up and i know everybody knows about it but we have to continue to push them because it's our job yeah so troubadour in west hollywood that one is sold out if you are a vip friend of ours and you want guest list

We're going to kind of push you towards the large room. The venue is more than twice the size, so we can accommodate you guys. But I just went over to Burger Lord's yesterday, and we figured out what we're going to do. It's going to be basically cigarettes, wine, affordable wine bottles, and we're going to do some Trey Past vegan sliders, hors d'oeuvre style. So the food is going to be free. All you've got to do is show up. Drink and turn up and hang out. We'll have a playlist going. It'll be fun and easy. So Highland Park on 1020. It's going to be a really fun night. And then we go off to New York for the Bowery Ballroom and our culinary adventure with Allison Roman. Oh, man, this is going to be good. I'm getting a haircut tomorrow in preparation for this. I'm excited to go back on the road, to be honest, Chris. I want to talk. I mean, yeah. And then we did announce Hari is joining us at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. She's billed it as Chad's verse dolls, which is a very fun way to think about it. But I actually. I don't mean to bring up a sore subject, but I have... So there's a barber in Atlanta. Don't do it. It's got Chad, who I'm friends with, who I really like. But the shop is a little far, and he's very busy, and I don't like to monopolize people's time. You're a professional. That's dope. And I've gotten three haircuts since I've been here, and they're all shitty. And I'm very upset that I can't get a good haircut here, and so I'm going to be wearing a hat until I get back to L.A. where I can finally see my non-English speaking barber over there on Santa Monica and get my shit hooked up right. Okay. I mean, that's why God invented the airmail hat for people who aren't super happy with the way their hair is looking right now. Be it, you know, a funky haircut or just male pattern baldness. It's there for you. I love hats. And we'll have some new hats at all the shows. Don't forget. Yeah, very cool new merch. Very cool new merch. And we are very excited to have Hari Neff joining us at the Music Hall of Williamsburg.

That's what it's called, right? All right. How long gone? Thank you for listening to this classic Dim Jeans Chris Black one-on-one podcast. We'll be back this weekend and next week, and we'll see you in New York and L.A. when we touch the motherfucking stage. Wag Wag.