794. - Molly Jong-Fast

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How Long Gone, recording in progress. It's Chris Black in a dreary New York City. I'm joined by my co-host. DJ, them jeans, what's really good? Oh, you know, just hanging out. It's a perfect day over here in LA. Just been doing some fitness, some reading, some listening, some learning, some walking, some cleaning. Damn, you're hitting all the high notes. I'm a little jealous, I gotta say. Yeah, you should be jealous. I'm fucking killing it today. I got a giant candle in the mail. Shout out to persons of interest. Big-ass candle, boy. Big-ass candle. Murder-weapon-ass candle. Yeah, all is well. Just did some kettlebell blasters. I'm trying to drink more water. I was realizing. I just want to be clear. You used to be anti. You thought it was all a farce that it was put on. Big water was in our pockets, in our heads. But you're saying now you've recanted that and you've come to terms that you need it. You know, the person who does the same thing every day and expects different results. You know, that's what I was going through. And I thought that, you know, dehydrating my vital organs for decades was awesome. And well, I mean, turns out all that is to say.

I have been drinking more water than the average person by a long shot. I still drink a lot of water. Yeah, sure, yeah, of course, of course. You know, 0.1 percentile. I'm killing it. I'm getting accepted into all the wet colleges. But I literally, I used ChatGPT, and I was like, here's my age, weight, height, size, ass, titties, the whole thing. And I was like, I work out this much. I sauna this much. I drink alcohol this much. I gave it so much data, and it said I should be drinking a little bit more. So I'm trying to drink four to five 32-ounce Nalgene's a day. Oh, yeah. That's doable. I think that's doable. But that's like a gallon. Yeah. That's probably what I do now that we have the Berkey. Right. I do four or five. One of them has electrolytes. you know what i mean so it's it's a little sure yeah me too me too the first one gets a little little liquid ivy and then sometimes i'll do a magna at night for dessert oops it's probiotic oops i had a magna for dessert yeah that's a2 digestible yeah i mean so i'm so drinking a gallon of water it seems a little ludicrous but because i mean i'm i'm an active person but i'm not that you know let's be honest i'm not that active you know well i mean it could be a lot better kind of no one is really like that amount is i mean that amount is like it seems excessive but when you consider the fact other than kelly from block party no people are really he's not drinking water he's eating raw steak and and shooting eggs it's very different but no i think that because most people drink you know i get all my water from eggs eight coke zeros a day it's like Right. You know, a gallon of water. And I'm having zero Coke Zeros a day. No, it's crazy. Like, I went out to eat with my parents and my aunt and uncle and my other aunt and uncle when I was in Atlanta on Mother's Day. Don't put them on blast now. Don't put them on blast. No, it was just interesting because they almost all ordered water. And I was expecting more Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, Coke Zero. And there was only a couple that made it to the table. And I was impressed. Okay, well, I got to say, a broken clock, right?

twice a day. RFK is doing a few things right for our parents' generation, right? As usual, yeah. I mean, when has he ever let us down? Most, I would say, the other 58 minutes a day. Well, except when we, except he lets us down when we try to understand what he's saying, obviously. But that's kind of, I think it's better that way. It depends on how little of a heart you have inside of your body, how few compassion points you have. In your digital wallet of love. But, I mean, that reminds me of a great photo or a New York Post headline I sent you this morning. It was just a photo of him jumping into a small creek in Washington, D.C., known for having high levels of bacterial pathogens known to cause, you know. Some type of West Nile diarrhea, you know? Yeah, yeah. And it's just him splashing around like an infant in a loose, dirty diarrhea sewage. I mean, the guy will not stop. it's almost he needs to be studied he doesn't give a he doesn't give a fuck you know well i mean i like that he doesn't give a fuck and there's a lot of people just like him but they don't have high ranking uh positions in in government they're like they work they're greeters at walmart and they get to have whatever they want to eat for their birthday but otherwise Not a ton of responsibility on their table. Not a ton of power in their hands. I don't know if there's any responsibility on his table either. I think they might try to tell you there's some. I think they want us to believe. He's gotten rid of Red 40, which is... A chemical that's in drinks or food or whatever? Yes, it's a dye that dyes through red. Red 40 sounds like one of your old graffiti buddies, but okay. It's a dye. Yo, free Red 40! Free Red 40! Yo, keep your head up, twin. Keep your head up. Yeah, Red 40, MSK, AWR, LTS, gang, gang, shit, TKO, what's good? But, I mean, so all that is to say, he does have, I mean, there's a lot of people who are very glad that we're starting to ban these chemical food additives that have been illegal in every other country in the world for years and years. We're finally catching up. A lot of people are like, that's great.

mysterious chemicals are causing our kids all you know all kinds of developmental disorders and you know it's nothing good is coming from it except to make the candy red well but there's a lot of people read my favorite flavor often so i'm not really super i'm a little counterpoint red good counterpoint red good but but there's you have to i mean much like the tariffs there's a lot of people who have been eaten you know What do you think the guy who owns Twizzlers is doing right now when he hears that, oh, by the way, you have to change a lot about your business? I didn't think about my Starburst La Familia. This is bad. There's a lot of people who make billions of dollars selling Red 40 Foods. Think about the Skittles family right now. They're probably going through it, dude. Gatorade. Yeah, it's true. There's so many products that use it. And now, guess what? Your beautiful, cheap, easy, accessible, perfect product that you've been using for decades and decades. Formula got fucked up. Now you've got to use some beet juice extract. Your shit come out kind of baby purple. This ain't the same. It costs ten times as much. It does a ten times worse of a job. And then suddenly... RFK, he's going to be swimming with the fishes, but it's not going to be a splish splash for a photo shoot. Yeah, no, you're right. Big 7-Eleven's going to put cement on his feet and toss him in there. As if we needed another reason to kill another Kennedy, he's putting... He's giving us no choice. Pardon the pun. The red dot is on his head. He's giving us no choice. Not to go modern warfare mode, but come on. You had to. You had no choice. You had no choice. This reminds me, because you brought up Gatorade. I saw a guy at the gym today. You know the classic Gatorade squeeze bottle? Sure. Like water bottle? I love those. It's something we grew up with. A guy today at the gym had a Powerade one. And I was like, how did you? You can't do that. Like, that's really not. That's really not. He's like, got it on eBay, Japan, new old stock.

Was it blue as well? It was blue. Yes, it was. You can cop the Powerade 32-ounce squeeze bottle Amazon Prime 929. I mean, not bad. Not a bad deal. No, it's not a bad deal at all. But it also, the difference between a Powerade squeezer and a Gatorade squeezer, if I may, Powerade, it has... Three little finger indentations, like the grip of an AR-15 or something like that. Yeah, sure. They added the extra sport grip for when you're hitting the assault bike. Yeah, we're squeezing it so hard, we're going to need something to hold on it. Because the Gatorade ball is like doing a kickflip on a skateboard with no tape. It's sliding everywhere. No, we left the Hardee's grip tape off, and it's going to be tough for us. Because I'm wet. I'm wet right now from Power It. I was just like, I've never seen that before. I had literally never seen one of those ever in my entire life because I think of it as a Gatorade form factor. You know what I mean? That's like a Gatorade thing. Yeah. Those are those situations where it's like when you see somebody with a Gatorade squeeze bottle, you're like, that sounds about normal. But the Powerade, you know that somebody had to make a concerted effort. They had to go out of their way. You don't just stumble upon it. You have to go at great lengths often. They had to play cornerback at a D3 school. D1's got Gatorade at Nike. D3, you're looking at Reebok and Powerade. Something to think about, kids. You're sniffing into the deep corners. Speaking of that cultivating... odd things on purpose versus just falling into it i was looking i watched snl last weekend and arcade fire i'm sorry yeah i was talking to an unnamed friend of the show who said the booker at saturday night live is looking real stupid right now because the arcade fire tour has sold like less tickets than katie perry oh well i mean i'm sure that they have a couple i mean they could they can always they're always good for 800 in brooklyn but otherwise

It ain't looking so good. They might have to downsize their venues. But just watching them, it almost looks like they are actively trying to tank their own career. I mean, but also like that type of arrogance and no offense, but a Canadian upbringing can cause for really difficult fashion choices. Oh, I mean, they've historically been one of the worst dressed bands of all time. I know, I know. It has gotten worse. It's turned into another. I saw a funny tweet. It was a satirical tweet from Shoegaze Steve. You can say what you want about Wynn Butler from Arcade Fire, but you can't say his style isn't dope AF. And then another person commented, which is something that I have seen, and I think we can name some examples of this in our musical day-to-day life. From Microplastics Envelope Filter says, so many wealthy men these days trying to cultivate an aesthetic best described as drug toddler. So we got these guys who have tens of millions of dollars, tens of millions of social media followers, beautiful wives and children and houses and cars. Well, I don't know about that in this case. They wear tie-dye sweatpants and like pink. converse with blue shoelaces and a triple XL t-shirt with like a skull on it and I don't want to I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I think one of the kind of you know early settlers of this look is Julian Casablanca's I unfortunately I hate to say it the big Ugly basketball shoes, the skin-tight jeans, the fluorescent T-shirt. This is worse because they don't have any songs, and Julian Casablancus is a legend, but it's not dissimilar. Yeah, but there was a time when Casablancus was at the cutting edge of fashion. He was an original heady boy. Whatever him and the rest of the strokes put on their bodies, everything clicked so well. And I think the drug toddler part,

A lot of it factors into the fashion and comfort level where it's all about baggy, cozy, comfy, blah, blah, blah. Molly, we're just finishing up our intro. Hold on for one second. Sorry. No, you're good. You're good. You're in deep trouble. We have a guest today. Molly Jongfast is joining us. She's got a new book, How to Lose Your Mother, a daughter's memoir. She's written several books. There's an excerpt in Vanity Fair if you want to get a little taste. She has a very fast podcast. It's very fast. Blink and you'll miss it. She was described to me as an OG poster, which is a great way to put it. You've been doing this. She's been doing this for a long time. The bitch is posting. Let's give her a call. Let's give her a call. Am I supposed to have my camera on? Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot. Because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture. repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world, is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app.

using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Yeah, yeah, we turn them on. We turn them on for the guests. My producer is obsessed with you guys. So he was like, this is what you're going to do. He was like, they're not going to tell you when they're taping. So you bet. I was like, okay. Okay. Who's your producer? Who's your producer? Let's call him out. By the way, he's like, I love him so much. And he has been with me for such a long time that, you know, he's literally always talking. He's a super fan. His name is Jesse Cannon. Jesse Cannon. Shout out to you. But don't. Don't misprepare your boss now. We let people know when we're recording. We don't make a big stink of it, but we let you know. I think I know who you're talking about. Does he do music marketing and things like that? Yeah, and he's a super fan. Okay, shout out. Don't embarrass Jesse now. He's a grown man, but still. Too late now. Out of curiosity, what else did he prepare you? for when he was briefing you on this. Well, I said, what are they going to want to talk about? Are you going to want to talk about how I just interviewed Tammy Baldwin, who actually was pretty interesting? I mean, one of the big problems we have with Democratic electeds, we would have this problem with Republican electeds, too, probably, though not quite the same, is that a lot of times they speak in these very abstruse and boring.

Yes, yeah. Yeah, and so people turn off for them. That's right, and that's what we try to avoid here. That is literally the opposite of what we're trying to do. Yeah, so I will, and also, when you say Tammy Baldwin, neither of us have any idea who that is. Oh, I don't know who that is. But I was able to Google her, and she is a U.S. senator. Located in Eau Claire, Wisconsin is her is her office location. That's right. And we just recorded a podcast in Eau Claire. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She's is she young? I mean, what is young? I would not call her young. She's she's 63 years old, Chris. Not to put her on blast. She looks good. Really good. Well, Tammy can get it. Let me be clear. That money goes far in Eau Claire. Now you can get a nice, Botox is cheap, lip fillers are cheap. Botox, laser, filler. Oh, the laser, $1,000 in New York, $500 in Eau Claire. I'm telling you, I'm not getting filler in Wisconsin. I also, that's kind of a Beverly Hills only thing for me personally. No, I'm not getting filler in Beverly Hills. I've seen people in Beverly Hills. Okay, so if you were to get filler, where would you go? As someone who does get filler and is not a person who... You're like, wait, I have his card. He's on 63rd and 4th. Right, exactly. But let me just say, what... Why wouldn't I say all this stuff I do? Like, what am I going to be like? I agree. You know, I'm 46 years old and I have, you know, the fact that I have no wrinkles is because I inject botulism toxin into my forehead a couple of times a year. I mean, I don't do it myself. I have the dermatologist do it. But if I could do it myself, I probably would. Yeah, I think we're moving to that. I feel like we're going to get into that zone pretty soon where it's like you can get it from HIMSS. You can get Botox delivered and you can just kind of do it yourself, you know? AI-guided Botox. Oh, yeah. That's a nice idea. You know, that's actually a beautiful, like, Valentine's Day or birthday present, like, babe.

Not like I learned the language that your parents speak, but I went to school. I went to medical night school. I'm certified to apply your own Botox for you, so you never have to leave the home. That's a wonderful gift. That's a wonderful gift. That's a long marriage right there. I didn't know. Do you think New York is the... What do you think is the world's best city for cosmetic procedures? If you had to, you know, judge. Korea's nipping on our heels, Molly. This is a very hot take, and I don't know that I have the kind of knowledge that I need to address this. Of course. That said, one of my friends was showing me these videos of these women in Paris getting some kind of filler, and she was like, it's amazing, and he's in Dubai, and he's in Paris, and we can just go over there. And my friend, of course, like the rest of us have to plan to go to Paris and buy a plane ticket. She's like, we'll just hop over there. I was like, yeah, yeah, that's not how the rest of us do it. But OK. And you're implying, to be clear, you're implying your friend is quite wealthy and coming and going is not much for her. It's not quite the same as the rest of us. She so I so I follow the doctor on Instagram and I think I will go and see this guy. It's not crazy. And I show it to my husband, who is like he's an academic. He used to be an academic. He's not that into sort of, you know, this kind of thing. And he's like, oh, my God, what happened to these women? They look insane. And that is the danger. OK, so I think we've I think our minds have been warped. I mean. I will say, and this is no shade, Jason, to your hometown of Los Angeles, but it really is. affected i would say the population there more than anywhere i've ever seen visibly young you have 20 something girls with enormous lips look we spend a lot of time on the red carpet i don't think you guys can really understand the pressure that we're going through over here it's different no the the pressures of hollywood especially now that harvey's out i can't get a fucking roll i mean you know what i mean i can't i'm not i'm not working uh i can't i can't get a damn call but harvey is in

Really, he's not. That's a good point. Yeah, he's deeply, deeply in. He's in. Yeah, do you think Harvey is still calling the shots behind the bars the way that we've been reading? Or do you think, you know, like the way a gang leader might be able to? No. I think Harvey is, I think the deterior, I mean, not that Harvey was much to look at in his prime, but he looks, I've never seen someone deteriorate that fast. No kidding. He looks insane. I don't think, again, I'm going to go out. limb here and say i don't think jail is great i mean diddy diddy is gray now according to the courtroom sketches maybe they're only allowed to use well i i've always i've always kind of fantasized about going to jail for a year just to get as ripped as possible yeah a good plan and need to discover islam yeah jason's gonna convert i'm gonna get a fucking crazy lats and we're gonna come out and keep i haven't been able to finish the quran and i think that removal of all the distractions of civilian society will finally let me finish that one up. That's a good idea. If you were in jail, do you... I have a friend, Steve Madden, who was in jail. Oh, yeah, he did some real time. He did real time. The shoe baron, Steve Madden? Shoe baron, yeah. Yeah, he is my buddy, and I love him, and we're very friendly. And he'll be like, they'll be talking to him, and he'll be like, yeah, it reminds me of when I was in jail. That is an extremely cool thing to say. And you're like, wow, Steve, is there going to be a dinner where you don't bring up jail? It's kind of cool, though. And my grandfather was in jail for the House of Non-American Activities when he refused to name names when he went in front of the House of Non-American Activities. And my grandmother used to make fun of him because she didn't think it was that tough a jail. Because she thought he was kind of a blowhard. So because, you know, he's he really dined out on his three months in jail. So she used to like there were pictures of him and she'd be like, that's your grandfather building a fountain. What kind of jail has found? It's like when somebody got shot in the leg and they keep bringing up like, yeah, we know. Yeah. Not kind of a nonlethal wound. Yeah. That's a great example. Jason, you're right. So but getting if I went to jail for a week, I would probably.

also dine out on it for the rest of my life i can't yeah i'd finally lose that last 10 that's for sure well my exactly my brother who works in hollywood was like you i said you know if trump comes for me and he goes you better hope trump comes for you he was like grandpa our grandfather he was like he was sort of you know he became next level when he went to jail he was on the cover of the new york times for weeks and you know yeah that was what kicked it off okay i mean look that's what i'm saying i'm i'm ready i'll do it i'll do a couple years if it makes me infamous you know and i i don't think i mean especially if it's white collar like look at martha stewart she came out bigger and better than ever Not physically. She looks amazing, of course. I'm not talking about her weight. I'm saying the gravitas. I think she may have had some work done as well, Chris. Nah. Just sleep. Don't say that. Lots of vegetables. She eats. It's super clean. She's ate. Yeah, a lot of clean eating. That's it. Yeah. Martha believes that food is medicine, actually, and I think that's really brave of her. Yeah. I'm drinking a Diet Coke, so I certainly believe that poison is delicious. Yeah. So you're on the Trump diet plan. How many of those DCs are you slucking down every day, Molly? So I was completely clean. I've been sober since I was 19, right, of drugs and alcohol. Yeah, but I have a real fucking problem with this. And are you allowed to curse here or no? Wait, hold on just quickly. You held up the can. I know they're all custom now. What does this one say? It says... Damn, Shorty got two Diet Cokes with straws right now. Brew me. These are... They both say roommate. Okay, that's for your roommate. That does not sound good. I'll give it to one of my kids. I had a Coke roommate once, too, and he was a dealer, actually, so it was convenient for me, but I didn't know. They memorialized him on a can. Okay, so you do Diet Coke with a straw. Is the straw biodegradable, or is it a standard? Unfortunately, it is. Look at that straw. It's the color of poop. You don't get a straw like that.

Unless it's made out of something terrible. That straw is made out of Amazon boxes. That's right. You know that RFK Jr. went swimming in Rock Creek Park today? We were just discussing that in the intro. Oh, wow. Why is that such a big deal? He's obviously going to be fine. He's different than us. I have to tell you, if you're writing a novel, a satirical novel, about a guy who takes over health care, but who is like a complete lunatic. He swims in Rock Creek Park. He chews, supposedly, and again, I don't know that this is, that they came out with this 100%, but I think he was chewing tobacco or some kind of... No, he had a little zen tucked in, but you gotta... You've got to have energy to tread water. Hopefully it was a Lucy brand nicotine pouch. Those are delicious. Use promo code howlong at checkout. Does that make America healthier? Well, it's healthier than smoking cigarettes, technically, and it gives you that burst of energy you're looking for from that Diet Coke, all that aspartame. Yeah, because think about cigarettes and nicotine the way you would think about your Diet Coke and the caffeine. Just the distilled caffeine molecule itself or... The nicotine molecule itself, not really that bad for you, but it's the stuff that it comes attached to is what harms you. So is this the gateway to swimming in Rock Creek Park? Well, you sound like you know more about Rock Creek Park than we do as a Washington insider. So if you could explain how dangerous is it, could I do it? On a scale of one to L.A. River by where I live, how is it on the toxicity? Great scale. Great scale. First of all. I do not live in the District of Columbia, and I want the record to show that because D.C. is a terrible, terrible place with with a lot. It's very terrible. Actually, the people who live there are amazing. The people who live in D.C., not the political people, but the people who just live in D.C. I didn't know there were people that weren't political that live there.

Yes, there are like people with Starbucks employees and things like that. There has to be servers that keep McNally's new bar. I guess that's true. Yeah, they're like and he has like five bars, by the way, in a weird part of Washington. And they're all next to you. It kind of makes you think. It does. It doesn't make me think too much. But there are a lot of people work there who are really. Great people who don't have any representation in Congress and whatever. But the political people. Anyway, the point is Rock Creek Park. First of all, the water D.C. has like fine water. I would drink it. I drink D.C. I drink New York tap. I'm like a big New York tap person. I think bottled water is really bad for you. But I know fancy people who won't drink the water in D.C. Right. Who are like, ooh. So that already, and this is just the tap water, okay? And this is the water that is designed for human drinking, showering, brushing your teeth. So they're treating D.C. like Mexico is what you're saying. And I don't mean that in a Trump way. I mean it in a water way. Right. It just doesn't seem great. Now, Rock Creek Park is this beautiful park where Chandra Levy was murdered. Remember Chandra Levy? Oh, yeah. Wow. Throwback. That's right. Throwback. Okay. Dateline ass. I see you. I'm that old. You bring me in for news. All right. Inside edition. Let's go. I like that you go straight to murder, Molly. Exactly. I'm sure there's been a lot of cool stuff that's happened there. Yeah. That's probably pretty much it. Anyway, so that she... that's the creek, and supposedly there's a fecal matter, which is not something I love in a swimming pool. But isn't there fecal matter in all of our water, kind of? Isn't that the whole thing? Isn't that kind of the whole thing? I mean, look, I like that RFK is getting out there and kind of putting his health on the line for America, and I think that's what we need to focus on, not...

the dirty water of D.C. That's, you know. He should swim in more places to show us it's safe. Well, I think he'll take his shirt off for any occasion. So I think that's why the swimming is kind of. And the most objectionable photo I've ever seen of him is walking around a plane with bare feet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He went to the bathroom with bare feet. One of life's greatest crimes. He went to the bathroom with bare feet. On a plane. Bare feet, Jason, not socks, like raw dog. Nothing. Just those tan feet. So I think he likes testing his immune system. And I think much like a power lifter, he always has to keep adding a little weight to his deadlift or else he's not going to be growing. And he's like, I need a lot of... pathogens to be going in and out of my urethra every day, making me stronger and more physically fit. This is not the beaches of Massachusetts. This is the hard floors of United. Also, we've all been in an airport bathroom. It's a urine-soaked surface. It's pretty gnarly. You're going to feel wetness on your feet when you walk in. It's not the plot. I'm a big slippers. On the plane, I switch into the slippers immediately. Yeah, I love a slipper. But people do put on the sock and just think that's enough, and it's not. It's just not. It is not. Wear a boot. Hunter boot up to the knee on an airplane, huh? Yes. A hazmat suit to go in that bathroom. I forgot about that until right now. But I think he's going to continue to deliver for us as an American people. in political ways, but in entertainment ways. I think he's going to keep giving us great stuff. The thing that I find about him that has really captured my imagination is that he works out anywhere he goes. So anywhere he goes, when he finds a gym, he's in there. My man. And he wears jeans. This is a popular, this is sort of an emerging trend among real...

tough guy type like real like workout guy types like i go to the gym and work boots and jeans because i wear these jeans to do everything because i'm a man my my forefathers wore their dungarees you know during on the construction side or whatever so it's good enough for that good enough for me but the the beautiful part about rfk i think is he will take his shirt off anywhere at any given moment but he probably goes swimming in jeans you know what i mean that little dichotomy is what makes him such a psycho little bitch you know but have you hung out with him No. Me? No. No, no, no. I feel like you guys could have got you and your husband and him and Cheryl didn't break bread. Fundraiser dinner, something like that. Yeah, something Hollywood. Not that you would support him, just that you'd be in the same room. We're both sober, so I could have seen him at a meeting, but I haven't, thankfully. Imagine seeing RFK at a meeting. That would really... That's tough. anonymous would be tough i mean you just you just you know a great example of this i actually can talk about it now but so i sponsored i i had sponsored someone and i i was really careful not to talk about it because you're really not supposed to but you know i'd love to talk about everything so um but you're not supposed to and i'm 27 you're sober and you're really not sure of course of course so I was really, I just, it was everything I had, not to fucking tell anyone. And then she died, and then the mom died, and then the dad died. Everybody died in the family. So then I thought, well. You said, thank God they're all dead now. Right, exactly. Sort of a gray area, but maybe I'm okay. And then the mom, they published the mother's therapy notes. Yeah, I was going to say. Is Joan Didion. And there's a whole thing. about me the new one that just came out the new one that just came out it's in my house right now yeah it's in my house right now yeah well you'll find me but being a bad aa sponsor and i was like really so whose sponsor whose sponsor were you whose sponsor i was quintana's sponsor you were quintana okay okay so i don't understand i don't think it's fair to publish that personally

And, like, who made the decision? We're talking about Jose Quintana from the New York Mets? Yes. It's her daughter. I am the curse of the Mets. Basically, the Mets would be doing much better had I not been sponsoring them in AA. Okay. Got it. Are the Mets doing well? No. It just started. The season just started, right? The Knicks are doing well. The Knicks are doing well. This is a gay podcast. We don't follow sports. Oh, good. I hate sports. Every time people talk to me about sports, I'm like, just whatever. But how does a book like that get published? Who is making that decision? I think it's the estate. The estate gets to sign off on it. Okay. Yeah. And the estate in this case is who? I don't know. I actually talked to Griffin about it because I wanted to know sort of what the – but I don't know. I need you to vouch. We're talking to Griffin about coming on the podcast. Oh, I'll vouch for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. So I don't – so the answer is I don't know. There's people I don't know. But I love Didion's writing and I think she – I mean politically I think she's – kind of reactionary and especially her stuff about like the 60s is pretty dark hey look joan joan was joan was a little red you know she had a little red line going through her are you are you considered a little reactionary yourself though molly this episode of how long gone is brought to you by a new podcast from the guardian stateside with kai and carter this is covering a lot of our bases jason it's a it's trying to slow down The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen.

Hi, Talk House Network listeners. It's your old friend, Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer, and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Memphis, Tennessee, LaGrange, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina. Virginia Beach, Virginia, Wheeling, West Virginia, and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer. This episode is brought to you by Prime. What if you had one more chance with the one that got away? Sam, you came home. Based on the best-selling novel from Carly Fortune. Every year after follows childhood friends Sam and Percy as they reunite in the dreamy, nostalgic lakeside town of Berries Bay. Love can be hard to find. So if you're lucky enough to find that person, never let go. A second chance at first love. Every year after. Streaming June 10th, only on Prime. No, I think I'm annoyingly woke. If you're going to criticize me, I would agree. Annoyingly woke and not fun would be the criticism. So there's like the dirtbag left. You're pretty fun. I'm the shitty left. They don't like me. I'm like the annoying. I have three teenagers and one is a Marxist. How many of them listen to Red Scare? Well, I think he's gotten off of that. But he was like... Yeah, once Dasha got married, we all kind of had to peace out. It was tough for the whole community. It was a tough unfollow, wasn't it? He was like, they really hate you, Mom. And I was like, thanks, Sonny. Thank you. I was like, my kids, my sons love to find stuff where I'm getting. They're like, oh, Mom.

I mean, what's the point? What's the fun of having a flambéing you on Reddit right now? What's the point of having a son? Yeah, what's the point of having a mom that's in the public eye if you can't? If you can't. So I have a Marxist, and then that one's in college, and then I have a Republican. Uh-oh. Okay, okay. He's a never-Trump Republican, but he's a Republican. And he'll be alive. How old is he? 17, almost 18. Oh, hell yeah. Okay. So he lives in New York City. Yes. Okay. And are his friends also like this? I think they consider him to be an outlier. So you know what's happening. He's rejecting you. And he'll come back around like this is it. This is a you know, this is kind of a rebellion against mom. I just it's so funny to be a 17 year old. You know, you're still a child in the eyes of the law and you've just dubbed yourself a never Trump Republican. And when we were all 17, we're just like, how can I get. drugs and sex right now yeah like what are your political leanings you're like i don't know i like to have fun my political leaning is music sex like i don't know what like that's this is the problem with the internet though if you're 17 you shouldn't care that much you should you really shouldn't in my opinion well here's what he did to troll us i'm lefty but i'm still you know i read a lot so i'm more open to the Whatever. My husband is very, like, enraged, okay, about some Trumpist stuff. And so what this kid did was he subscribed us to the New York Post. That's a nice gift. Are you kidding me? Well, first of all, we pay for it because he's a child. There's no world in which he's paying for anything, right? It's the classic wife with the rich husband. She gets him a birthday present, you know, and he's like, well, it's my money. This little turd got you a post subscription with your own Amex. Yes. And by the way, every day when my husband's, you know, we got the FT, we got the Times, and then we have the New York Post. And you could just see him seething as he looks at, you know, just.

The just horror of the New York Post. What will the neighbors think if they see it, et cetera, et cetera. We hide it under the... But as a New Yorker, though, as a New Yorker, isn't the Post sort of like a rite of passage? It's sort of... You don't get the... I mean, obviously it has political leanings, but like... Open the New York Post, have your iced coffee light and sweet and do the crossword in the back. It feels like a New York institution. It is. I used to always get it growing up until it got so... It got even more disgusting. But there are parts of it that I enjoy reading. Well, I mean, it's arguably the best headline writing since Media Takeout, if you remember that. But I think every, like you said, discussing is a good word for it because you stick with something for a long time and you can see in real time when it makes that switch over where you're like, oh. I still go to page6.com every day. Yeah, page6 is cool. But page6 is a different group than the people who are like writing the. articles about how... No, I know. It's not like who Katie Holmes was having dinner with is not propaganda. It depends on how you look at it. It depends on what side of the fence you were on with Dawson's Creek, but I see what you're saying. Dawson's Creek. The best. Going back to the sobriety, I wanted to know if somebody who's had so many years of sobriety, but we have these little... you know the caffeine the this the that and i know a lot of i know a lot of people only for you the caffeine but i know a lot of people who have things that are maybe in the gray area where maybe it's it's tiptoeing into the addictive behavior um you know i like sober you know like people who like i gamble and i chain smoke every day but i'm not i haven't had a beer in 20 years kind of thing so is so diet coke is your only kind of sober quote-unquote gray area? So I would say, yeah, I mean, I'm pretty, I go to a lot of meetings. I really keep my sobriety as a central tenant because I got sober when I was 19. Yeah, that is extremely early. Yeah. Because you grew up in New York, so by 16 you were in the club. You were at fucking Tunnel doing coke or whatever. I have a double deviated septum. And so when... Hell yeah, congratulations. It's so bad. I mean...

It was like when I first got sober, it was mushy. The ENT said it was mushy in the middle of my nose. Mushy. Doesn't work no more. The medical terminology for that was mushy. Okay, so that answers the question I was going to say. What was your poison? Mushy. What clubs were you going to? You know, so at that time, the places were, I'm trying to remember what they were called. There was a place called. I worked in the Holly Solomon Gallery. Worked. Okay. And I went to places like, what were they called? There were a bunch of places that we used to go to, but they weren't like club kid clubs. They were more like bars and after hours clubs. save the robots, like things like that. I don't know if those places are still even anyone has ever heard of them. So this was like mid-90s kind of? Mid to late 90s, yeah. And then I got sober in 1997, so mid-90s. And it was, you know... I mean, it wasn't actually that wild. We didn't have phones. We didn't have cell phones. Yeah, that makes it less wild in some ways. But you could smoke inside. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's the best part. So that was like Mars Bar and stuff like that back then. I'm trying to think of what was going on. Mars Bar feels a little grimy for you. KGB? KGB was there. I went to KGB. I mean, KGB was happening. But KGB is still there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like things like there was a place called – I'm trying to remember what any of those places were called. But there were a lot of seedy bars with, you know, drinks were really expensive. They were $10. I mean, during my early days of partying in Atlanta, a drink was $4. Like a vodka soda was $4, and you'd put down a $5. That was literally the vibe. So $10 feels unbelievable in 96. 10, if you want the Long Island iced tea, we're going 10. Of course. Wait, I have to show you guys. This is my hairless dog.

Is that the best dog you've ever seen? Look at him. Why does that dog look so funny? It's not looking super hairless. He's a naked, he's a very hairy, hairless Chinese crested, and I got him at a rescue, and his name is Leonidas. He does look like a fella, though. He looks like he's in a grunge band. He looks like a guy who my wife cheated on me with. But admit he's the greatest looking dog you've ever seen. He's super good at guitar. Leonidas, you say. Leonidas. Leonidas, yes. How many pets you got? We have three Chinese Cresteds. Jesus Christ. You got three dogs. You got three kids. This apartment better be fucking huge. We're busting out. What part of town? Uptown. Yeah, I had a feeling. So why the name Leonidas? Isn't that like the... That mask, the TV show, The Mask? It's like the skull disorder? We had Spartacus and Cerberus, and Cerberus died. We had Leonidas, we had Bucephalus, and then we had, yeah, it's the thing, it's the naming tradition. Okay. There's a trend. We're pretentious. Our newest dog will be called pretensionosis. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you should never tell anyone this. You should never tell anyone this. The dog is funny-looking in a charming way, but the names, that's between you and your family. Okay, well, actually, to transition into a serious topic a little bit, how has having had so many dogs over the years dealing with maybe some... Doggy dementia, how is that prepared to dealing with human dementia? Oh, that's a good question. We haven't actually had any demented dogs, but we have done that thing where you keep the dog alive, even though the dog is probably ready to slip the mortal coil. So we have one dog who has...

A lot of problems. And he is being kept alive with scotch tape and insulin. And a nice little monthly bill, probably. This is why I will never have a pet. I just don't understand spending thousands of dollars on what I consider to be an inanimate object. Well, I think every pet owner, Molly just frowns. I think every pet owner, and I'll ask you this, has that dollar amount when you come home from a dinner with the husband. Your dog is not giving healthy. You got to rush it to the 24-hour ER. They come out and say, hey, we got to do this. It's going to cost you blank. Airline miles. You can't pay with miles, babe. You can't pay with miles. No, no. There's a dollar amount where you're like. I guess we don't have a dog anymore. You know what I mean? I guess Fido's going to heaven. Ten grand? We'll call it ten grand? Something like that? She's paying ten. She's paying ten. Here's the fundamental problem with my situation. My husband does not believe in brain death. Okay. He's very, very smart, but, and he has a PhD from Yale and English, very smart, but does not believe in brain death. Does he also, does he, does he think the earth is flat or is he pretty sure it's round? He knows it's right. He's not, he's mostly smart except for this. So, okay, speaking of mostly smart, can you explain exactly what you would mean by brain death? Does that mean like the physical body is still alive and breathing and the heart is pumping, but the mental has quote unquote died? He believes that that never happens. His theory is that largely that happens because doctors get bored or want your organs. Or are Canadian. They're either organ harvesters or something even more sinister, a Canadian citizen. Canadian, yes. So, because in Canada, they run healthcare.

They're pretty tough. You know, we're tough on health care up there in Canada. That's the only thing they're tough on, because I don't know what they're not known for that. Well, they are. If you move to Canada, they're known for having free health care. They do have free health care, but they tend. Like, for example, I knew someone who got diagnosed with cancer and went to the doctor in their province and they said, there's nothing we can do for you. And he was 34. And then they brought him to a doctor in Toronto who said, we can treat you. That's what happens in Quebec. That's what happens in Quebec. And that's why I've always shit on it. Honestly. Have you tried America? Maybe they can save your life. Well, that is true. If you if you have bread in Canada, you go to America for like a surgery of any kind and just pay for it. You know, it's a better. And that that is the way I was raised as well as a person who didn't have insurance until two years ago. Yeah. So that. So anyway, so the point is, the fact that he does not believe in brain death means that he is more likely to keep an animal alive past the point of... Expiration date. Yes. Hence, Spartacus. But who's more responsible? Because, you know, every... Oh, we split it. It's a lie. Like, somebody's taking care of the dogs more. In this case, Jason, in your case, what is the split? There are multiple questions here. Who is more responsible? Let's go to who is more responsible. I am like a child, okay? I have no sense of how anything is supposed to work despite the fact that I'm 46. So he is more responsible when it comes to grown-up activities like anything related. Someone's got to be, someone's got to do it. He's booking the travel, he's paying the bills. That's booking the travel. Okay, I'm trying to see where the line is. He's sort of... More like, no, you can't do that. You know, like, can we paint the apartment pink? Let's do it. It'll be great. People will be like, no, no, you can't paint it. You know, the kind of like insane ideas that you cook up.

Those kind of ideas. He's the voice of reason, brings you back on to life. So that's it. Okay. Well, he's right that you shouldn't paint your house pink. That's right. But he's wrong when a dog is ready to go. It's time to let him go. This dog is such a good dog. I love this dog. Sorry. Anyway, distracting. So are you taking the dogs on walks or you got somebody else to kind of take care of that for you? We do a fair amount of dog walking. But that's why you had kids, right? To kind of send them out. That's right, for working in the farms, for the content farms. We put them on the content farm. Bobby, social media, get to work. Well, actually, speaking of content, I had a question involving that. You mentioned in the book, which I got the PDF of yesterday, so I haven't fully immersed myself in it. It's very short. But you mentioned wondering if you're sometimes potentially just fodder for your own mother's content creation, we'll call it, in her own writing. Yes. But your mother herself has become fodder for your own content creation. Yes. It's called revenge, baby, and we all want to get it. So I would say this. I don't know how. how versed you guys are in second wave feminism. Oh, I try to be as less versed as possible. There's more than one wave? Hold on, bro. Are we talking about coffee or are we talking about chicks? What do you mean? I don't know those waves. Okay. In 1973, when it came out, I know you guys were quick to read it. Of course. Being negative 10 years old. Seminal text. And yes, seminal text. So anyway, so after she wrote that book, she wrote many, many other books, many of which featured me prominently in varying, annoying characters, including a book she wrote fairly recently. I mean, not so recently, but like 20 years ago.

I was like a terrible character. And my husband read it to me and he was like, and he was like an anti-Semitic stereotype. It was so bad. And I was, it was not good. Okay, well, 20 years ago, I mean, whenever, let's say this book came out in the year 2005. Yeah. Were you a shitty person at that time? No. Like, were you a pain in the ass, or were you, okay. I mean. You were a pain in the ass until you were 19? Yeah. You know, no man is a hero to his valet, but. Damn. Preach sister. Preach sister. Preach sister. But, yeah, no, I mean, I don't know. But how thinly veiled are these characters? Like, is everyone that you know able to deduce that it's about you and your husband, or do you think this is, like, in your head? No, in my mom's books, it was, like, the daughter character. It doesn't have any other kids. It's just me. Yeah, you're an only child. Right? Right. Only child. The red-haired daughter character. Who could it be? No one knows. No, I didn't know if it was a composite of, you know, several people in her life, but you're saying it felt like she was putting some stuff on you. It's always like. My beloved daughter, Miranda, which is my middle name. Oh, okay. So she's not hiding it at all. I got you. Okay. She just doesn't want to get sued, but she's not taking any steps further than that. You're not going to sue her. I mean, she's my mom. People sue their parents all the time. You ever heard of Macaulay Culkin? It's good for him. I have a lot of respect. Well, you're not going to sue your mom, but you're going to write a book about her. Well, that's okay. That's fair. You can do that. Okay. Well, it's fair. As long as what you're saying in the book is true to you. But have you considered or did you consider waiting to release this book after your mom has passed? No. Okay. That's cool. Because the thing is, I did not even occur to me. That's not true. Okay. No. I mean, because when you're writing a book about somebody and you might be saying some...

you know, unfavorable things about them and they're a loved one. You don't fear. I want them dead first. I want them dead first. You know, it's not that crazy of a thought. I felt like, you'll read it. It's a very readable little book about what happens the worst year of your life. And my friend Cara Price actually said, it's a Jewish speech read. Because it reads very fast, but it's about like death. That's a... That's an emerging genre of literature that I could see really taking off. Listen, man, maybe the first of the Jewish speech read genre. You should kick that off. Call some publishers. Let's get an imprint going. I told my editor, I was like, it's a Jewish speech read. And she's like, don't tell people that. I was like, no, it's a seller. It's a selling. You want to avoid the J word right now, kind of as a whole. Okay, so people who would leave their shirt on while they're... reading the book, this is for you. If you are going to work out in shorts and not jeans, this book is for you. Okay. If you are going to wear socks and shoes in an airport bathroom, this book is for you. This is the book for you. Wow, you're casting a wide net. I like that. We've got to sell some books. If you're not going to take your shoes off, then... in an airplane bathroom with a floor filled with urine that is you know i actually i have a lot of issues you just lost the candy vote molly who work out in pants in general unless they're women and they're wearing tights no jeans and jeans jeans is fine honestly because it's so ridiculous but just weird Some people believe that a gentleman's legs should not be seen after they've reached a certain age. They haven't seen my legs. They haven't seen my legs. Some people, obviously not you, Chris. You have a beautiful body. But some people are self-conscious about the way that their legs look, and they might want to cover them. I understand being self-conscious, but when I'm in the gym, I'm only concerned with performance.

And pants, to me, would hinder performance. I mean, there's a lot of people who wear a T-shirt in the pool, and that hinders their performance, but they're okay with it. Don't talk about Justin Bieber like that when he's not here to defend himself. Can I just say, as someone who does not work out, not working out is awesome. I highly recommend it. How do you not work out? Don't you feel like that's bad for you, maybe? No. I love it. First of all, I want to never have a conversation about working out. That's my goal. Well, all right. Thanks for coming on How Long Gone. We really appreciate it. Books in stores now. Tell me about your fitness goals, Molly. So you don't exercise. You don't feel like that maybe could be detrimental to your long-term health and goals and mobility? You don't think I should. As a health, not myself. How's the diet, Molly? Don't eat very much. Smart. Okay. Except cake. Okay. But we're doing this naturally because you probably haven't eaten very much in 20 years. Do you eat a lot of small oily fish, Molly? A lot of mackerel and sardines? I mostly just eat cake. Like once a day. Fuck. And love cake. Birthday cake. This is like the weird dysfunction of my childhood is love birthday cake. Like regular kind of classic sheet cake from... Well, not Publix. You don't have that here, but whatever. That's the best. That sheet cake is amazing. Do you have fond memories of your childhood birthdays, or are they considered traumatic events? No, horrendous. But for whatever reason, I love a childhood birthday cake. I mean, I love sprinkles. You know, there's a... place in manhattan fun funfetti which place in manhattan please i feel like i'm not allowed to talk about it but a place that you're not allowed to talk about you're talking about san vicente bungalows because they have the best they have the best fat ass slice of funfetti no that is a good cake jason's jason i've shared that cake a few times shared that's by the way you eat the whole thing so when you go to the bungalows do you only eat that as your meal so i'll get there

First of all, I get so excited when I'm going there because I'm like, confetti cake, I can't eat for like a week. And then I go there and I get the, what do I get? I get the thick, the blackened. Whatever the white fish is. Yeah, this is available only at the New York location. You get some of that San Vicente jambalaya. Yeah. No, jambalaya. You get the blackened Cajun salmon for $48. That's literally what it is. I get the blackened. They have a fish. They have a black fish or a flat white fish that has very few calories. And then I get that green vegetable, whatever it is. Because I have to eat really healthy because so much of my caloric intake comes from cake. To offset the cake intake. Well, also just to get a few vitamins in there. So I eat that and that, and then I get the cake. I usually share it because it's... I was going to ask, though, depending on who you're dining with, maybe somebody you're very comfortable with, do you kind of make it clear that this is for me, you can have a couple bites? Or do you play nice, like we got this to the table? Yeah, this ain't a 50-50 situation. Jason knows when it comes down to dessert, it ain't 50-50, it's 70-30, and he's fine with that. He needs it more than I do because I have drugs and alcohol. Exactly, because I'm also sober, Molly, so I understand dessert is all we have. Yeah, no, dessert and Diet Coke. And chopping. But that's funny, though. And the laser. That cake is really. Did you say you got laser yesterday? I got laser. Yesterday, I got more Botox. I was like, I don't need it. I'm just very tired right here. And my dermatologist is like, no, you need it. I bet he did. I have this dermatologist. 500cc stat. Who found my melanoma. So I had melanoma when I was 30. Oh, so this bitch could do no wrong. You're going to give her whatever she asked for. Whatever. She found my melanoma. So she's like, she does my Botox. That buys you some Botox. But do you get the Botox done? She does filler, too. Botox before the laser or after the laser? She did the laser and then she did the Botox. And it was that laser, the clear and brilliant. A friend of mine said it's like having a robotic cat lick your face.

Fun description. And this is good? Not really what it's like. But does it hurt, or is there redness? Everything hurts. But I feel like I have a very high paint on it because I, for whatever reason, I just sort of charge through things. So, like, I used to put the numbing cream on before I got filler, and now I'm like, just do it. Sure, so you have a full back tattoo that you just, one sitting, it was nothing for you. Just to feel something. Just nothing. You went Affleck mode, and it's no problem. The back tattoo just says, like, yeah, that's right. Jews are very big into tattoos. I know that about you guys. I know that about the people. We're very into it, yeah. The chosen people. She's being sarcastic. You're unable to be buried. Is that correct? With the marking on the body? You know, we're Reformed Jews, so we're not that religious. But I still think it's not the vibe. Tattoos, not the vibe, says Jews. Not the vibe. New York Jews, not the vibe. I agree. LA Jews. Huh. Yeah, I guess you're kind of right now that I'm thinking about this. Everybody in LA, you go to AA meetings in LA, everybody has tattoos. New Mexico tattoos. We're tatted up, baby. Yeah. New York? We're tatted up. Not so much. Yeah. So do you prefer a New York room to an LA room in terms of AA? So I really like it. I am like a big AA nerd. I go to a ton of meetings. I love going to meetings. I try to go when I travel. I really love it. So even if there's a language barrier, Sao Paulo, you're hitting the meeting. I mean, it's more like there are some places where I'm like, maybe not so safe. To go to a meeting by myself. Are you saying that people who used to be drug addicts maybe aren't, like, the most upstanding citizens? Or you're saying the neighborhood? Not in the meetings, the neighborhood. Like, or also just, like, maybe I shouldn't be going by myself through a neighborhood. And, you know, there are some countries. So you're in the favelas of Brazil. Yeah. I need to tap in. But I've gone to meetings in Athens by myself, and they were.

amazing okay uh i've been in europe you know in europe and and and when i travel i was just in chicago recently and i went to meetings there was really fun well big big alcoholic city so i'm sure they have a thriving a scene i went to this meeting in the last time i was in la i was at a meeting with this friend of mine and it was an lgbtq meeting and i said oh i don't really i think we should go i'm not lg i'm just you know boring white person well you could you could pass i mean you know it's not crazy and so i said and my my friend was with said well i qualify and i was like You don't qualify. Okay. So I stayed. Well, so you're saying the friend, the vibe is like, I've scissored once with a woman, so I go to the LGBTQ meeting? Basically. Like, I was like, I'm not going to get into this with you because this seems like not my... I don't want to know. Right? But I said, okay, so we'll both stay. And it was like one of the best meetings I've ever been to. That's actually really funny. Yeah. And it was like, and why it was so good, there are a number of reasons why it was so good, but they were talking about... No straight men there. Right, exactly. But what it was like, they were talking about what it was like during AIDS when they got sober, that a couple of those guys had gotten sober during the AIDS crisis. Oh, yeah. And they had talked about how they had guys at the meeting holding their poles from their bags. And, you know, I'm not old enough to really have been, you know, I was a little kid then, but my aunt had a gay men's group, an AIDS group, therapy group. And, you know, it's a very much like a part of the sort of the history of New York is that. Yeah. I mean, I've talked to some people about that and it really is insane to hear people who like live through it. It's just I can't I don't think we can really fathom what that's like, because it's like it's yeah, it's your peers literally dropping dead. You know, that's the it's not old. One day all your friends were dead. And some people die and other people never get it. It's like I mean, it just.

I think it was. So so they were talking about that. And then I, you know, really connected to that and was like, oh, this is a great meeting. Then I walked back to my hotel and and saw some shopping. I love to walk in L.A. I'm like the only person they keep. What's your hotel in L.A.? What do you where do you like to stay? Well, am I allowed to be what is the vibe here? I guess I'm allowed to sort of the vibe is the vibe is you can say whatever you want. OK. Yeah. So. The hotel police aren't listening. My favorite hotel. And this is where I get into a lot of trouble in the family because my daughter is very offended by it. My daughter, it's gay. The Sultan of Brunei is not. So the Beverly Hills Hotel is kind of your spot. Look, you know, I just stayed in one of the Sultan's properties, actually in Milan. Really nice. Oh, yeah. The Principessa de Savoyer. Yeah, yeah. Great hotel. But people were really mad about the Sultan, and then it just kind of went away. But I assume nothing really changed, right? Nothing changed. Everybody just forgot about him. But not everybody has forgotten about him, unfortunately for me. Everyone was protesting at the Chateau for years, and then everyone just kind of went home, you know? Well, that was like workers' rights. That was different, yeah. But I also will stay at Sunset Tower. Sure. Because I love West Hollywood, and especially if I'm by myself. I like to walk places because I live in New York. West Hollywood is just one big LGBTQ meeting, really. That's right. You feel right at home. And in between, from avenue to avenue, there's stores where you can go in and spend your money. Are there, though? I guess there are. Not really. Okay, so what are we spending the most money on? Clothing-wise, in that fashion department, where are we blowing the most money? Accessories, small little goods, glasses, bags? All right. Full confession here. Just don't tell anyone this. I bought a bag a couple years ago that I have been wearing that every time I wear it, people are like, holy shit. That's the best thing I've ever seen. What bag is it? It's a little zebra bag from Tom Brown. Oh, you mean like the zebra shape? Should I show it to you guys? The famous Tom Brown animal. Should I show it to you guys?

Of course. Should I show it to you guys? It's similar to the one that's in the shape of the Datsun dog. Tom's mascot and personal pet. But it's a zebra. Zebra. Available in pebble grain black. Nothing like a Tom Brown pebble grain. Oh, the touch, the feel. Look at that peb, baby. See? Oh, wow. The zebra, I didn't realize it was black and white. Obviously, a zebra is, but I didn't put that together in my head. That's nice. That is as statementy of a statement bag as one could really have, right? So you're hitting the Tom Brown store. You know, they just opened LA, actually, on Melrose Place. So next time you're in town, you can walk down there. I try not to do too much damage here because I have children and dogs and a whole organization that needs all my money. But when I do... foray into problem spending this is a place i'd like to go that's good i love problem spending that's kind of what my whole life is based on it's like a little horse i love it so much and when i take it out people are like it's just oh i'm sure and it's also i love animals so it's an yeah you like animals a little too much i can tell that about you Well, I like the dog. You know, it's very sort of Hamish. We like the dogs. Do you feel like fashion brands prey on you animal lovers with their high end? You know, we got the Hermes dangles that cost thousands of dollars or a zebra. Wait, what is that? Wait, what is that? Like, you know how people are getting the charms for their Birkins? But they make little animals. Yeah, it's very, yeah. A lot of the charms from many brands. It looks just like your bag, except it's small, but it costs the same as your bag. But they don't really. It's two inches big. They don't really look like animals. They look like. Sure. I like a thing that looks like something else. So I love a trompe l'oeil. You know, I like anything that looks like something. Whereas like. Got it. I don't need an interpretation of an animal. You don't want it to look like a cookie in the shape of a zebra. You want it to be anatomically correct. I would like a cookie. A bag shaped like a cookie. Now that you say that, I would like a cookie right now. Yeah, I would also like a cookie right now. Actually, speaking of cookies and being Jewish, I just learned recently the black and white cookie, you're supposed to fold it in half and eat them both, the white and the black at the same time. Have you heard that? No.

No, no. Jason, who told you this? That's wrong. Is it? You know what's the intersection of food and fancy? I'm ready. You ready? Cafe Pana. Cafe Pana. Do you know about Cafe Pana? It does strike a, it sounds familiar to me. It's uptown though, right? Like the ice cream restaurant? She's in, so it's in Union Square. Okay. And it's Danny Meyer's daughter. And she does this gelato. It's not gelato. It's ice cream, but it's so good. Okay. Mostly that's what is in my blood. Guess what my cholesterol is? High. 300, baby. What's it supposed to be? Not 300. Like about half of that. Okay, what's the flavor we're eating? Is it cookies and panna? Yeah, see? Cookies and panna. We've got a real-time fact check here. It's like being on the Joe Rogan show. No, I'm kidding. Your real-time fact check. Yeah, it is. That's the most flattering thing anyone's ever said to me in my entire life. Thank you so much, Molly. This is the first hour, but we have three more, so if you want to pull up the MMA step, Jason, go ahead. Do you ever have the Cafe Bianco Stracciatella? I have had it before. I've literally had every flavor. Oh, that's nice. I'm going to hit this. As a dessert lover, I'm going to hit this. I love going to Union Square. Well, because you're sober, so you eat just tons of sugar, right? Well, I try to eat less, but yeah. I mean, yeah. Now that you say it, yeah. I do eat tons, I guess. Tons. Well, anytime I'm at dinner with people and they're all, you know, having a scotch and then they say, well, you're going to have dessert. Fuck yeah, I'm going to have dessert. You guys have been just, you know, drinking scotch. You know what? We have been, we need to be out and proud. You're right. Like this is, I'm sick of being shamed. I'm going to have a single malt cookie and cream sundae. Actually, the cookie plate is... One of my favorite dessert options. At San Vicente? There's a really good one at ABC Kitchen. That's my favorite cookie plate. Yeah, ABC Kitchen. Because the variety is crazy. It's snickerdoodle. It's peanut butter. It's chocolate chip. There's a blondie. There's a rainbow, like Italian. Oh, I love a rainbow. The cake that I love so much is the coconut cake at the Boulevard.

Oh, that's a good one. That's their number one dessert. That's a good one. Where do you stand on a nice carrot cake, Molly? I love a carrot cake. And in fact, the Monkey Bar has a carrot cake that is literally the sweetest frosting I've ever had in my life. It's like diabetes. In a good way. In the best. possible way i'm looking at it right now yeah yeah yeah i don't carrot cake is a cop-out to me and i know it's really sweet but it's still vegetable based so it's tough for me to wrap my head around it as a dessert bar fat ass slice of carrot martini or or a ghia for you i'm gonna be home late a diet coke and a piece of carrot cake and no food otherwise obviously you're sober now but back in the day cigarettes When's the last time you had a nice cig? Parliament Light 100. I don't think they make them anymore. They do. Charcoal-filtered Parliament Light 100s. They cost like $1,000 a case now, but when I used to smoke them, they were $12 or something. Do you keep a pack in the freezer for emergencies? No, but I did during a particularly bleak White House Correspondence Weekend. I took the cigarette of one Chris Collins from Bloomberg and smoked it. You probably still think about that, Sig, don't you? have to do just quickly before we go what do we have to do to break into that weekend i i think we should be there let's go man let's go you go with me we'll go to all that it'll be you will really be disappointed a few things will disappoint you more than that weekend that's a good review of it okay uh no i want you guys to go with me because you will be you'll be like huh i know Yeah, I'm interested in – it's just the one thing that I feel like I've never dipped my toe in. I've been to weird sports stuff and weird Hollywood stuff, but political stuff I've never dipped my toe, and it's full of nerds and losers. Not to sound like Donald Trump, but – Except for our How Long Gone Listeners on the Hill. We love you guys. Yeah, I was going to say – All of our White House employees. We're coming back. Get some tickets. Buy my book. No, you guys should definitely – it is –

It's a cruise ship where you see the same people at every event. Okay. I'll talk to you about credentials. And they all pay for sex. You don't need credentials to go to any of those parties. There's no credentialing involved. So if I just put on a navy blue suit and a red tie and look like I look, I'm walking right in. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That's right. Thank you, Molly. We appreciate your time today. What a pleasure. This was really fun. I am very... I'm very honored to be here, and I like that you didn't make fun of me for how I got the time wrong six different times and was confused. No, no, no. We would never. We'll do that. You're lucky I didn't even bring up the fact that your last name sounds Korean. We left a lot of leeway for you. North Korean. Yes, that's right. Not South Korean. Let's be very clear. Let's be honest. All right, Molly. Yeah, not the good one. The book is out now, correct? No. Oh, it's not? When did you come out? It's out on June 3rd. So you guys should have me back then. June 3rd. That's my wedding anniversary. Will you come back on in two weeks, Molly, to talk about the book? I will. If you can ever stand me again, I'll be back to talk about my poor eating habits. Don't worry. Once we get into like an election season, you know, we need a correspondent. We don't really do politics here, but I think when in Rome, boots on the ground. I'd be delighted. And I'll intersect some filler. I'm eventually going to get my neck done. That's where this is all going. Well, I thought you meant injecting filler content or words, subject matter. We're talking about our neck. No, no. I'm talking at some point. Once I hit 50, we're just going to get the flesh off there. I feel you. To be continued. I feel you. All right. Thank you, Molly. We really appreciate it. Bye-bye. Thank you. Have a good one. Bye-bye. Bye.

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